Noon-thirty in Kunming to 10:00 PM in Shaxi! Bus to Dali, bus to Jianchuan, haggle the minivan kid at nine o'clock at night down to 100 qwai for the both of us; too much dough, but we just don't want to stay in a Jianchuan bordello and get the clap from the sheets.... We roll into the Horsepen Hostel while everyone is still awake except Slipper, and Shirley is super-happy to see us and gives us big hugs! IT's like coming home, this dear old Horsepen.... Slipper finally wakes up and comes out of his room and wonders what we're doing here! He's just not on point without some barbells in his hands....
Ritodhi's unofficial entry into the Guinness Book of World Records: 69 toothpicks stuck into beard, at Muslim Lady restaurant, Sideng
The dogs of the Horsepen: Mali the Fatass and Luoshi the Sex Addict
***Interview with Slipper***
- 24 years old so far, from Chengdu
- Learned how to make composting toilets because IT's good for the environment
- Loves mountains because he loves to take over their summits
- Old wood houses could easily catch fire because he smokes, he prefers modern houses because then you can't hear the neighbors and then you don't have to cut down trees; he likes concrete because IT's strong, and feels that IT's okay to make environmentally bad houses as long as they're strong
- New Chinese life is better than old Chinese life, technology makes everything better; cars and medical tech are great, living in the country is more healthy than in the city.... When cities take over all the countryside, he hopes he is in heaven
- Feels that wherever you live, you always want to be somewhere else; if you're from the city, you want to move to the country, and vice versa
- Likes old Chinese clothes, but finds that Western food has more power
- Feels there are not enough jobs in China, and people will need to move to other countries.... He wants to travel all over the world
- Message to young people: Do whatever you want to do, you can realize IT! Oh, and don't smoke! (waving cigarette in air)
*****
Hangin' at Ashley's! So many sexual innuendos.... So much sexual tension.... So many nonsequiturs!
Nicklas and Hanna both attend Country Town University in Sweden, and are majoring in travel and being blond - says Ashley (with a little help from Ritodhi)
Specxy: Spectacular and sexy.... tip of the hat to Nicklas' english learned from TV and movies
"IT mimics a turbo - a turbine - de blew IT.... (motioning towards groin with both hands) i have to go to the bathroom!" - Ashley
RITODHI (Motioning towards two empty chairs): Ashley, why did you get those two chairs?
ASHLEY: I HAVE FRIENDS!
"You should really not take your fingers off that thing while i'm around!" - Ashley
"i'm one of those filfs.... milfs.... whatever they're called." - Ashley
RITODHI: i like hilfs.... you know, hamsters you like to fuck?
NICKLAS: Hamstrung?
Our Shaxi Cultural Center Three-Ring Circus: Ashley as the Bearded Lady, Ritodhi as the Bear on the Unicycle, Nolan as the Clown, Nicklas as the Strongman, and Hanna as the Trapeze Artist
"Hurt.... i love hurt." - Ashley
"You could be one of those mims.... mimes.... no, those statues!" - Ashley
"My chest is tight." - Ashley
"We're tomatoes!" - Ashley to Hanna
"The octopus - the pussy garden - the Beatles!" - Ashley
"i'm going to fill up your whole thing there!" - Ashley
"Soccer Mom meets Janet Jackson" - Ritodhi on Ashley's dancing
Sam Mitchell is a kind old hippie fountain-of-info professor and doctor of all things Sino-Indian from Fredericksburg, Virginia, who runs the school program that originally brought Ashley to Shaxi; he and his wife Yuen bought and restored the Cultural Center, set IT up as a guesthouse, and gave Ashley the job there.... Sam is a talker for sure, very interested in spreading information and very happy to do so very consistently throughout the day; some people are just meant to be professors.... During his time he spent in Austin, Townes Van Zandt and Stevie Ray Vaughan knew him by name, and he's an old Deadhead for sure, having gone to 21 Dead shows between '72 and '80.... He has an encyclopedic knowledge (albeit with some spotty recall) of topics ranging from 20th-century American pop music to Sino-Indian relations to ancient Vedic literature, and was suuuuuper-psyched to meet Ritodhi, who matched him note-for-note in talking about Indian history, culture, and literature.... He even wheedled an Indian cultural book-list out of Ritodhi, of titles Sam wasn't familiar with that Ritodhi knew intimately.... Such fun to observe the two of them! Some people are just meant to meet each other....
- Our food-providers in Sideng: Nice Lady, Muslim Lady, Slow-Cooking Guy, Ripoff Lady (who charged us more when we brought our own broccoli & mushrooms and Ritodhi helped her cook IT than when we just bought all her stuff), Salty Lady, Baba Lady
Shibao Shan! We wake up earlier than is entirely comfortable for a trip up the local Bai people's holy mountain, led by Sam, who is eager to share the specific and unusual iconography with Ritodhi and Ashley and i.... The little-known iconography in the holy spots on the mountain sports the only Shaivite temple in the People's Republic of China, featuring a trident-and-dumru-carrying Shiva with six hands and snakes wrapping around his legs and staff, accompanied by a Chinese warrior-guardian.... The local mountain temples and the Shizhong Shan Grottoes that we eventually reach feature mostly all-Buddhist iconography, with the notable exception of an obvious conical Shiva-lingam, made into a yoni with a deep slit cut down ITs front.... The cone is greasy and covered in oil from butter offerings, for according to the sign outside the niche, this statue is the holiest local yoni and feminine power-deity of the Bai people; according to Sam, local Bai women come to this shrine to offer fertility prayers and to give birth.... When or why local people transformed the ultimate male worship image into the ultimate female worship image are questions without answers.... These examples of Vedic influence in China (according to Sam) are the only known specific instances of Shaivite worship in the whole of China, and offer evidence of the mixing of Chinese and Vedic religion in the ancient Nanzhao Kingdom, the political area that stretched from modern-day Burma in the west to Thailand in the south and the whole of Sichuan in the north, from the late 8th century until ITs overthrowing in 902 CE; this religious mixing is apparently not documented or acknowledged in the current scholarship on the Nanzhao Kingdom, and Sam's intention is to write a specialized book on the topic....
Our 10-km-plus walk is very beautiful, climbing up and around winding mountain paths over Shibao Shan to gain an awe-inspiring view of the whole Shaxi valley, so huge and spread out with our little town of Sideng far below.... Our trip back down a paved road is punctuated with an area of nature preserve that is home to a colony of freely-roaming monkeys, a sight which i have never seen; i am entranced in watching their movements and monkey-consciousness, and feel very excited about the prospects of observing and interacting with monkeys in India, until Ritodhi explains to me that monkeys in India are more like gangs of starving homeless people than gentle animals; if one sees that i have food, IT will try to get IT away from me, and if i then kick IT in the head, all of ITs monkey friends will attack me at once like a vicious gang.... He says the best thing to do is to stay away from them or to run away from them if they try to engage....
After walking for a long time on the paved road, and sticking out our thumbs numerous times for numerous cars, we're all getting a bit tired and Ashley asks Ritodhi to try to reiki us a car.... Maybe ten minutes after he starts his walking meditation, a car stops with a couple of dazzling Chinese urbanites, and invites us in for a ride back into town.... Unexplained Phenomena? Oooooo....
"No Nakedlight"; "Beware Of The Firm Feet"; "Firefighting Equipment Can't Move Away" - Warning signs, Shizhong Shan Grottoes
"Any shaman you meet will want three things: a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of strong alcohol, and a chicken." - Sam
"A good trip is a rare find." - Ritodhi
"i want to read a book as fast as i can eat IT." - Ashley
Nipples the dog is alive and well! After not seeing her for the past three days, when she was a daily fixture of Shaxi life before, we went ahead and assumed that she had been made into a stew or stir-fry in one of the local restaurants.... But as we walked up the street to the Muslim Lady's for dinner, there she was! Dangly as ever, scratching her fleas.... i walked up to her and said "Nipples!", and she totally remembered her name and remembered me, and came and sat with us during dinner! What a sweetie....
- Talking with Rachel (Gui Ru Fei) in the Horsepen dorm, we learned about each other's holidays in America and China.... Chinese holidays are New Year's (both Jan. 1st and the lunar calendar date), Spring Festival, Tomb-Sweeping Day (built-in to the culture for everyone to go to the family graves and bring flowers and giftees), May Day (May 1st, Worker's Day), Dragon Boat Day (commemorating a famous poet Qu Yuan's suicide over his untenable political situation by jumping into the river - the day is celebrated by having boat races and eating zongzi, which is dropped into the water for the fishes to eat - just like the poet!), Double Strong Day (9/9, Sept. 9th, dedicated to the elderly of China, family hiking to the mountains), Mid-Autumn Festival (with all the Moon Cakes and chestnuts), and National Week (the big hullaballoo of the year)....
"He just did me.... i'm exhausted." - Sam on Ritodhi's interview
"When in doubt, slow down." - Sam
A fun night of playing tunes for Sam, Ritodhi, and Ashley.... Sam, between his encyclopedia of old pop music knowledge and his Deadheadedness, knew every song that i could play.... How wonderful to be able to play music for someone who is so familiar with my repertoire! Of course, that person would have to be in their fifties.... i'm such a dinosaur.... Magical "Black Peter", though, and a first time for Ritodhi on that song, so that's good.... Also, Sam said that whenever he hears "Wharf Rat" from now on, he'll be thinking of me, which is quite the honor! "Wharf Rat" --> "Imagine" --> "Wharf Rat" and ending off with "Brokedown Palace" was pretty fun.... And for the night's end, outside under the giant twinkling sky completely full of stars, the closest shooting star i've ever seen! The Leonid meteor showers were happening for sure, and this particular happening had little sparks around ITs head and left an orange trail in the sky.... for just a moment....
Halloween 2011! Devil's Night comes to a close, as the sun rises on another Day of the Dead here in the Shaxi valley.... The mewing cat down in the Horsepen courtyard calls a memory of three Halloween mornings ago, when i received the call from Devon that my little friend Mysto had been struck by a car during the night.... That Halloween of '08 was one of my first real encounters with death, burying poor mutilated Mysto in the rocky foothills of North Foothills Highway outside of Boulder, up by Sarah's old place where he had loved to be free.... The meaning of the holiday had never been clearer to me than in experiencing the gruesome passing of a beloved friend, and tonight i will honor these connections in meditation and calling upon the spirits for intimate contact, cradled here in the Shaxi valley....
Yay! Laura from London finally showed up in Shaxi on Halloween morning! So we will have a little party after all; i will find some black shit somewhere to darken up my face, wear Ritodhi's Chinese hoodie, and become Ghost Dog, Samurai hitman to the mob....
"i gotta go get my ya-ya's out." - Ashley's family saying
"i ate after i came!" - Ashley
"The Platonic Replacements" - Ritodhi's awesome band name
"i am Simon.... wait, Legend!" - Ashley
"She messed up a high-six by doing a ten and a seven!" - Ritodhi on Ashley
"i miss thee.... no, t-h-w-e!" - Ashley
"Is that Mesmerelda? You're a liar.... That sounds like pants on fire!" - Ashley
"i can't stop rocking!" - Ashley
After a fun evening of Thriller, Gonggui plum wine, strawberry candies, beers, doughnut penises, and Ashley laughing/throwing up/falling down/being carried home from the river by Ritodhi, we three remaining Halloweenies (Me-Ritodhi-Laura) had a wonderful late-night Halloween conversation, ranging from tantra and kundalini yoga to quantum science and impermanence in our lives, reiki and vipassana and anger.... We spoke of things we're not ready to accept, and things we're working on accepting.... IT was wonderful to connect in all these things, and i had no thought during our time together of going off alone into the woods in search of the local cemetaries, or the want of solitudinous meditation.... The spirits were watching over us, the living, talking late down by the dark river under the bright stars; and they were smiling, i'm sure....
"Wow, French people are epic, yo! They have such fucking heavy suitcases!" - Ashley
"We really hear what we want to hear...." Me on our little Shaxi collective
Off to Lijiang! The Disneyland of Yunnan.... Or maybe i should say, "Chinaland", as ITs old-town's streets are ablaze with overpriced crapshops, restaurants, laser fog-light dance clubs, and bars with one guy-acoustic guitar-and-songbook, where drunk customers can get up and do a little live karaoke.... The place is like Vegas without the gambling, a Chinese tourist's heaven where the party never stops, seven days a week....
The canals running through the old-style architecture, lined with weeping willows, are very beautiful, and the cobbled streets recall a simpler time when the city must have bustled with horse-drawn carts and local people come to buy and sell their wares and produce.... Yet now the narrow streets are packed with tourists from all over Yunnan and all of China as well, where the colorful shops distract mightily from the beauty of the buildings housing them; the buildings themselves are mostly all recent constructions, having been rebuilt in the old traditional style after the originals were mostly destroyed by a large earthquake in the eighties.... IT was actually refreshing to get out of old-town for a walk into the actual current city of Lijiang (looking for the one guitar shop in town), and be surrounded by streets and stores made for regular citizens rather than throngs of gabbling partygoers....
What a treat to meet up with Hanna and Nicklas again, randomly at the Panba Hostel here in Lijiang! IT's totally unexpected and always welcome company with these two Swedish sweeties, and hopefully we'll be reuniting yet again in India....
"The Ray Of Sunshine Pugai Noodie" - Lijiang noodle shop
Lijiang dreams: Apocalyptic future scenario in which the ultimate control of humans will be affected through our smartphones, and all my steampunk Road Warrior anarchist friends are banding together.... Before the Big One hits, they grab me and start running, demanding to have my Gphone so they can destroy IT for my own good; i don't want to give IT up; "What about all my phone numbers and contacts?" i wail helplessly, as i am pulled along under the night skies full of thunder and lightning.... But i surrender IT, and IT feels unexpectedly liberating to be removed from the phone.... The underground bunker is full of my steampunk anarchist friends, decking themselves out for apocalyptic battle, and i am proud to be among them....
"People Foremost Customer As Supreme" - Lijiang tourist motto
"Alian Snack" - Lijiang storefront (New Town)
Wow, this is just not really cool! On the train from Lijiang back to Kunming, a guy dressed in a train-official uniform is right behind me, doing a VERY loud live half-hour infomercial in a VERY loud voice for little quick-drying towels, soaking them in a bowl of water and showing how quickly they dry, walking back and forth down the aisle, slapping his rolled-up towels into his hand, and yelling his advertisement in my fucking ear.... He keeps doing these little pauses, and i think maybe he's done, but then his grating nasal voice starts up shouting again.... Oh my god he WILL not stop! *** Will someone just shoot me now? After a glorious period of silence, NOW he's walking back and forth again, shouting and holding up packaged toothbrushes.... *** And NOW he's got a little plastic self-cupping device for moxibustion therapy and WILL not shut up! i wish he would suction the little cup over his lips and do his shouting advertisement through his cup-pursed lips.... JESUS now there's two of them! Both with uniforms and cupping tools and they're both walking up and down the aisle shouting! AAAAA!!!
.... Back in Kunming, Tiffany and Ritodhi and i had one last Chinese hangout sesh at the Hump, good as always.... And then, Ritodhi was gone.... After two months of non-stop awesomeness, we took a cab to the airport together and filmed his fake arrival in China at the doors of the airport as he got ready to leave.... He gave me some wonderful hand-knit wool socks that are already coming in handy, and a beautiful little letter.... i miss him already, and very much look forward to our reunion in his homeland....
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