This time here in Maui is serving several very specific functions, and i am very grateful for IT....
One segment is massive decompression from months (and years) on end of wage-slavery work, semi-functional relationships, and consistent social experience that comes from living in (awesome & super-fun, Viva Folsom!) Community house lifestyle.... Tough lessons from difficult group music experiences, feeling lost at sea and trapped within the confines of my own experience, self-cloistering in the basement to study and retain some semblance of productivity and direction, with so much fun and love and the bonds of true family all jumbled around together within and surrounding IT all.... DECOMPRESSION NECESSITATED
Another segment is the shedding of layer after layer of non-functional personality/self/ego detritus.... My overwhelming need to be useful, to be of service to the world, to make something REALLY BIG happen that will be REALLY HELPFUL.... all the trappings of ego, ambition, competition with my father, self-aggrandizement, self-deprication, dualistic obsession with self-worth.... Obviously this is a long-term and ongoing process, yet the space afforded here with Willow on this island provides the perfect arena for quiet observation of the uselessness and non-functionality of all these aspects of "my self".... and to observe marks the beginnings of action, the baby steps of release....
The third major segment of my experience here is preparatory; soon a journey will occur for which there is no precedent in my experience, and IT behooves me to be on top of my game for the impending motion.... There's no telling what lies in store, and the only thing's for sure is that The Stranger will come a-knocking.... So best to have the ducks in their rows, the feet on the ground, the breath at the ready, and all the lines cast off for the most open, expansive, frightening, and galvanizing travel which ever i've experienced....
Soon will come my birthday, my 36th year, on which i plan to be hiking alone into the jungled interior of South-East Maui, to confront, love, and push through "my self" in the hope that i will bring a transparency and a greater awareness to this year than all the years preceeding....
Thank you Maui, and thank you dear Willow, for holding space for me while i pass through this important juncture....
Today i will shave my head
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